CAUTION: Brutal Honesty Ahead
Of course I remember becoming a new mother. I was just back from my honeymoon when my first child decided it was time to arrive on the scene. I was anxious and concerned as I had gotten laid off from work the day I returned from the honeymoon and my (then) husband was only making $6/hour as a file clerk. Thus began the wild ride of motherhood.
I cannot pretend to be someone I’m not and I don’t lie, so I won’t pretend that my pregnancy was a time of flowers and joy and excitement. I think of all the women who desperately want children and I cringe at my own honesty, but — truth be told — I had not chosen my husband wisely and I knew (on my wedding day) that I had made a huge mistake. But I did not want a child to grow up fatherless and abortion was not an option. Deep down inside I wanted this baby, more than I would admit to anyone. But I was scared. Scared that we wouldn’t be able to afford to care for her properly. Scared of the father that my husband would make. And rightfully so.
Still 9 months went by. Not one day passed without nausea and the delivery took 3 days! Yes, three full days in the dead heat of summer with no air conditioning. And I was sad much of the time. My fear took the better part of me and I was sullen and, well, like I said, afraid. Still the day she was born was one of the best days of my life (the other was when my other daughter was born). I have never looked back at my decision to have her – no matter what the cost. Yes, my fears were real. My husband (now my ex) was not the kind of father I would have wished for my sweet baby girl and our finances were tight. But the love I have for that child (for both of my children) is beyond words, beyond material goods, beyond what I could have imagined. And though I have fallen short of becoming a mother and father to my daughters, I have tried to be the best mother I possibly can.
If you know my daughters, you will agree, I couldn’t have done too poorly. They are simply the most elegant, loving, thoughtful, mature, wise, intelligent and gorgeous 2 women on this earth.
So, in light of my mistakes… I think of those mothers who are doing this the right way. The ones who married well. Who have their “houses” in order….and those who do not. I wish all of them the love that they seek in their children. I know they won’t be disappointed.
And to those who don’t have children….. don’t feel left out… you have your own mothers to remember…. or not 
xoxox
You know the concept….what would you take from your home in case of a fire? Most of us answer, “our photos” (besides our children and pets.) 
